


Lost In Mind

by LightningSupernova



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Post-Episode: s04e11 Blood Memory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 15:44:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17625194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightningSupernova/pseuds/LightningSupernova
Summary: Even after J'onn's reassurance that she was fine, Alex was still feeling off about everything. She decides to get a second opinion outside off the DEO.





	Lost In Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little one-shot post season 4 episode 11: Blood Memory

It was late at night when Alex finally walked into her apartment, closing the door behind her with a sigh of relief. Movie night with her sister and with J’onn, her second favorite person on this earth, was always tons of fun, but after the weekend she’d had … Alex just couldn’t wait to get home, drink and forget it ever happened. 

She flipped on the lights and tossed her keys on the counter before slipped off her jacket, wincing at the pull in her hand. Her parting gift from Supergirl. Shaking her head, Alex went into the kitchen, took a glass and the bottle of scotch and poured herself a healthy amount. She took it with her into the bathroom and placed the bottle on the counter. Playing around with the faucets on her bathtub, she soon had it filling with steaming water and started to shed her clothes. Her entire body was aching and she soon discovered bruises she didn’t remember getting. The Children of Liberty, high on rage drugs, didn’t go down quietly and it had taken a lot of manpower to get them detained before the drugs wore off. And it was pointless anyway. Being human, Alex was sure Hayley would let them go in the next couple of hours. 

Alex took another drink from her scotch and closed her eyes at the welcome burn down her throat. The tub filled, she stepped in and sunk down into the water, careful not to let her injured hand get wet. She rested her head back against the edge and blew out a long breath when the heat of the water permeated her sore muscles. It reminded her again that she was not invincible. And it brought her thoughts back to the one who was. Supergirl. The girl of steel. There was just something so infuriating about the woman. With her arrogant attitude. Always sticking her nose where she shouldn’t. Thinking she was better than anyone else. 

Flexing her hand, Alex fought back a wince. The burn wasn’t too bad. It wouldn’t leave any permanent damage. But it did prove to her, again, how much weaker she was in comparison to the blonde superhero. What would happen when Supergirl one day decided she didn’t want to be a hero anymore? What if one day her perception of being a hero shifted? Who would stop her then? 

Right there and then, Alex swore to herself she would give her life to defend her home. She would stand up to these so called heroes and she would find a way to stop them. For her people. For Kara. 

Kara …

There was something off with Kara. The entire night Alex had felt a strange feeling of disconnection with her little sister. She didn’t think Kara was angry with her, she didn’t think she’d done anything to upset the kind-hearted reporter. Sure, she forgot what her sister’s favorite movie was. But that was understandable, right? Alex was under a lot of stress running the DEO. 

Taking another sip from the glass resting on the edge of the tub, Alex thought back to her childhood and tried to remember. She could picture them sitting on the couch, huddled together underneath a blanket, but try as she might, she couldn’t remember the movie they were watching. And Kara was telling her something, explaining why it was her favorite movie. Alex couldn’t remember it. What was wrong with her?

Alex closed her eyes and laid back again, trying to remember something else. She remembered the day her parents brought Kara home, her new sister. She remembered being resentful at the attention given to the strange 13 year old girl. Why was Kara so strange? And then her dad disappeared and Alex was pretty sure it had something to do with Kara also. Her dad was ex DEO. How did Kara fit into that? Kara didn’t even know what the DEO was, right? At least she isn’t supposed to. Her mind slipped back to the first time she had a gun trained on her. The sheriff of her hometown after Alex had discovered something she shouldn't. Someone saved her that day, someone powerful. But who?

Sitting up with a jolt, Alex ignored the water splashing over the edge of the tub, or the glass falling and shattering on the ground. The holes in her memory. The feeling of dissociation. It was all creeping back. And Alex had the eerie feeling it couldn’t be blamed on the Truthseeker. No other DEO personnel who underwent the procedure had similar complaints.

She reached out and grabbed for her pants, digging through the pockets for her phone. She was halfway through punching in a number when she stopped. Her first instinct was to call J’onn. The Martian knew all there was to know about the mind. But he had already scanned her and told her she was fine. Was it possible he missed something? Alex found that hard to believe. Yet the only other option was that he had been lying to her. That was even harder to believe.

Taking a breath, she punched in another number and put the phone to her ear. 

“Hello?” was the confused reply on the other end.

“Lena. It’s Alex. I’m sorry for calling so late.”

“Alex? No, it’s fine. Is something wrong?” 

Alex shook her head, only then realising what time it was and that she might have woken the CEO. “No, there’s nothing wrong. I shouldn’t have called you so late.” She could hear Lena shift some papers around.

“It’s no bother at all. I’m still at my lab.”

“Don’t you ever sleep?” Alex just had to ask and smiled at the chuckle that escaped Lena. 

“I could say the same about you, Director Danvers,” Lena drawled. “Now tell me, what can I do for you?”

Alex took a deep breath. “You have a CT scanner at L-Corp right?”

“Of course. CT, EEG, TMS, MEG … whatever you need.” Lena sat up a bit straighter, intrigued. “But I’m sure you have all of these at your disposal at the DEO.” 

“I know. But this is something I need to keep out of the DEO. I can’t explain why just now. Not on the phone anyway.” Alex knew this was too sensitive to talk about on an insecure line.

Lena didn’t hesitate. She trusted Alex completely. “Then come over. Like I said, I’m still at L-Corp. I can have the night guard escort you down here.”

“Thank you, Lena. I’ll be there in twenty.” Alex turned off her phone and threw it down on top of her pants. She pushed herself out of the water, shivering slightly at the chill in the air, and stepped out, mindful of the broken glass on the floor. She’s deal with that later. Taking a towel, she quickly dried herself and dressed herself mechanically with the same clothes she picked up from the floor, making it out the door in under five minutes and jumping on her bike, speeding to L-Corp.

 

* * *

 

“That’s the last one.”

Alex heard Lena’s statement as she slid from the bench of the scanner and slowly got to her feet. She shook her head to clear the sudden burst of dizziness. It was never smart to rush into all these tests in such a short amount of time, but she needed answers. And she needed them now. She could take the headaches and the nausea. Pulling on her sweater, she joined Lena behind the glass parting wall. “Can you see anything?”

Lena frowned at the monitors, going over all the separate images. “Not really, no. There’s nothing obvious. No tumors, no bleeding.” She swiped at one screen, examining the MEG results. “Although … I’m not a doctor, this is not my specialty by far. But something seems off here.”

Alex took a seat next to Lena and stared at the screen, interpreting the numbers. “My cortical activity … That’s low. Very low.” She stood and started pacing the room. 

Lena turned in her seat and watched the other woman pace. “The cerebral cortex plays a key role in memory, perception, consciousness.” She saw Alex run a hand through her hair, getting agitated. “I think it’s time to start talking now, Alex. What’s going on with you?”  

Taking a deep breath to calm herself, Alex looked at Lena, really looked into those green eyes, and realized she was probably the only person she could trust now. “I’ve been feeling off my game for a while now. Like something is missing. Like something is seriously wrong with me.” She started pacing again, needing to keep moving while she told the rest of the story. “Colonel Haley is on this insane mission to try and figure out the identity of Supergirl. She even went so far to bring in a Truthseeker, an alien species that uses toxins to compel whoever is in contact with it to tell the truth. First I thought it was the toxins that got to me, but no one else is suffering the same symptoms.” 

Frowning, Lena interrupted her. “Are you telling me you don’t know who Supergirl is?” 

Alex froze and stared at Lena, “Of course not!” She was inexplicably annoyed at that question.

“Ok … Carry on,” Lena held up both her hands in a sign of peace, having recognised the anger behind that answer. It intrigued her even more. 

Shaking her head, Alex resumed pacing. “I asked J’onn to scan my mind. He said everything was fine and I was ok with that for a while. But things just don’t add up. And then Supergirl is getting on my nerves and I don’t know why.” She held up her burned hand, “She took a shot at me and I got so mad. But at the same time I felt so much sadness. I turned it into anger and I lashed out.” She exhaled deeply, the fight drained from her. “Then I was with Kara and I realise I can’t remember parts of our past. And I don’t know why.” 

Lena was starting to understand what had happened to the other woman. She didn’t doubt the fact that Alex knew precisely who Supergirl was and the reason why some of her memories were gone. You couldn’t have grown up with Supergirl and not have had some adventures together. “You believe your memories were erased.”

“Yes … And I know just who did it too. I just don’t know why. I trust J’onn with my life. He’s like a second father to me. Why would he do that?” Alex sounded pained, as J’onn betraying her would.

“Perhaps he just wanted to keep you safe. You and Supergirl.”

Alex frowned. “Supergirl …” she trailed off, lost in thought, before her eyes widened and focussing on Lena. “Because I knew who Supergirl was … is. And I’ve known it all my life.” Suddenly, it all started to make sense. Like missing pieces of a puzzle slipping into place. She saw the small grin appear on Lena’s lips. “How long have you known?”

Lena’s smile dropped, “Since she flew to my office on a bus. But don’t tell her that.” 

“That must be hard on you.”

With a shrug, Lena waved away the comment. “It’s ok. It’s easier this way. I keep separating the two in my mind. I’m pretty good at that, I’ll have you know. Putting everything into boxes.”

“You taught Brainy that, didn’t you?”

Lena laughed at that. “Yes. Though Agent Dox has outclassed me quickly in that department.” 

Feeling a lot lighter, Alex grabbed her jacket from the back of the chair and shrugged it on. “Thank you for this, Lena. I won’t forget it.” 

With a dip of her head, Lena gracefully accepted the thanks. “It was nothing, really. What will you do about what you learned?” 

“Nothing yet. The important part is that I now know I’m not crazy. I just have to practice with those boxes. To keep everyone safe.” Most of all her sister, Alex mentally added. She gave Lena a parting wave and left the lab, making her way back topside to her bike. She straddled it and slipped on her helmet, taking a deep breath before firing up the bike and driving home. 

Lena followed Alex through the security cameras for as long as she could before turning to her computer and deleting everything. It wouldn’t do for this to fall into the wrong hands. She stood and left her lab, securing it behind her. 

As she walked through the darkened hallway, she shook her head. This was another event to be put into her boxes and sealed away deep into her consciousness. 

Until one day, maybe, she would be seen as more than just another Luthor.

  
  


FIN

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Please feed the author :)


End file.
